Gender can determine EQ
This podcast hit me in the feels! I am crushing on the research, perspective and acknowledgement of what women have known, felt and understood for years. The only thing they don’t talk about in the podcast is how women develop EQ at a higher level as a coping mechanism to workplace trauma. Let me elaborate….
A metaphor shared with me many years ago by a genius in the inclusion space is perfect for describing the elevation in emotional intelligence (EQ) skills in women:
“When there is an elephant and a mouse together in a small room, the elephant couldn’t care less what the mouse is doing. It pays no mind to the mouse, where it is located or anything at all involving the mouse. It goes about its business with the perspective that it is the only one in the room.
The mouse is hyper-aware of the elephant. It is watching and evaluating every breath, every movement, every sound and sits on pins and needles monitoring the elephant. The mouse feels immediate and imminent danger from the elephant. He could be squashed into oblivion at any second. In order to simply to preserve itself, the mouse undergoes chronic stress and deepening of empathic abilities. This is a traumatic experience for the mouse because of the diligence it takes to navigate simply being with the elephant and ignoring its own needs. It begins to know the elephant better than he knows himself.”
That story resonated in my brain as I listened to the podcast with me imagining women as being the mouse and men being the elephant. According to Dr. Chamorro-Premuzic, women have higher emotional intelligence (EQ) than men. I believe that to be a result from years and years of having to be hyper-aware of men. Everywhere they depend on their livelihood is tightly woven with patriarchy. They diligently pay attention to the words, actions and behaviors of the men surrounding them, especially those in leadership roles. Dr. Chamorro-Premuzic discusses how the higher EQ translates into leaders that have elevated ability to motivate, understand, connect to and inspire other humans. It develops from a need for their own self-preservation and protection. It develops over time as a coping mechanism to the trauma that runs rampant in today’s workplace cultures.
In my experience, I have consulted with women and men that were highly capable leaders. I have also experienced women and men that had very low EQ. As I write my book to help organizations transform and heal from workplace trauma, I am revisiting all of the leadership examples I have either been personally exposed to or witnessed as part of my consulting work with hundreds of teams. I have seen different levels of EQ capability in leaders across the full spectrum.
Typically, leaders develop deeper levels of EQ when they face personal or tangential oppression. For example, in my experience, white male leaders, married within their own race and have all male children (and in my community typically have a catholic upbringing in our very catholic community), have faced little to no adversity or oppression. In the workplace, they have little to no EQ. Their teams experience many of the low EQ descriptors outlined by Symonds Research (https://symondsresearch.com/emotional-intelligence-workplace) and as clearly described in the podcast as narcissistic leaders. On the other hand, white male leaders that are either married to a woman of color, are part of the LGBTQ community or have some type of adversity or oppression in their past, have much higher levels of EQ. Even just having a daughter and envisioning what the workplace would be like for their daughter elevates EQ.
So where do women rank on the spectrum of EQ? For me, about the same. There are a few women that have drank the Kool-Aid and believe there is no such thing as patriarchy and women are just whiners. You will find these leaders to be very low on the EQ spectrum. They behave in ways that reinforce low EQ / toxic environments but by far, most women have full on PTSD from working in male-dominated environments and had to expand their EQ capability in order to survive. This commonly elevates their EQ capability to higher levels and generates the outcomes referred to by Symonds research as Strengths of High EQ leader environments.
I serve as a coach and consultant to teams trying to be more effective at their work, reduce the toxicity for their humans and there is often a theme to the dysfunction happening within a team. More commonly than not, there is a white male in the middle stirring up unnecessary drama. There are also many women that have high EQ but are afraid to own it for the target it paints on their back. It feels too risky to put their necks on the line to give voice to what needs to change, because there is so much.
The transformation train is coming. We have raised these younger generations to use their voice, use their words and to demand respect of all people. Pretty soon, the world of male-dominated leadership teams will meet up with Gen Z and the toxicity and lack of empathy will not be tolerated. There will need to be massive transformation and change within the leader ranks, the behaviors of all teams and the agreements we all use when working together for the greater good. Thank you Dr. Chamorro-Premuzic for giving research to what we have felt for years.
Now, how will YOU be part of the solution? Start by listening to this podcast! It’s great food to challenge your brain and the unconscious biases it has built up for years. Enjoy the listen.
https://omny.fm/shows/mckinsey-talks-talent/why-so-many-bad-bosses-still-rise-to-the-top
